i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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