His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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