I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Damn victory sex feels great
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