Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
