Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When are your genitals available?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
