I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
