We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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