There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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