You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
