Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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