ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
