I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
