Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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