Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
