.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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