Its about making memories worth repressing
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
