I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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