We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
