you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
4 words: hood of his car
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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