By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
