Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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