Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
