I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
