Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
