You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
