Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So vagazzling was a success
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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