I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
