He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
