no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
