the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
