Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
