I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
