TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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