ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
