You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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