Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Another day, another engagement, another cat
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize