drinking out of a sandbucket again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
