his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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