Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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