that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
