Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize