what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
