I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
