It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
