So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
