Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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