she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
