Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
