Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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