Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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