So drunk its hurt
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
