At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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