I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
