$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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