I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
