Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
