He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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