Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
