he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
