I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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