Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
