**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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