I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
