I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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